Um, I’m Not Quite Sure What to Think

First of all, thank you to those of you who are still checking up on me. I’m doing okay.

I haven’t posted lately because the focus of this blog has been about infertility, and since I haven’t been feeling well, all of that has been on hold. It’s been difficult to read blogs too, because I’ve felt like the uncoordinated kid who’s looking over the fence at the other kids playing baseball - not only am I not “in the game,” I’m not even on the bench. That probably sounds silly, but it’s how I’ve been feeling.

Physically, I’m feeling better. Still not 100 percent, but definitely better. I’m waiting for some final test results this week, but the gastroenterologist expects them to come back normal. If so, I think he’s going to call it irritable bowel syndrome. There’s no cure for IBS, although there are drugs that can address some of the symptoms if needed, and dietary changes can help. It’s something that can come and go or be chronic – every case is different. I think my case is fairly mild compared to others I’ve read about, and hopefully it will go away completely soon.

* * Ok, I should probably post a warning at this point. What follows doesn’t exactly have R and I swinging from the chandeliers yet. But if you’re feeling fragile you still may not want to read beyond at this point. * *

I thought I might have ovulated within the last week or two, but it was hard to say for sure. The last period I count as an at least semi-normal period was in the end of February, so my body hasn’t been in a reliably functioning mood lately.

Then during the past several days, my chest started to get increasingly sore. That’s not one of my normal PMS symptoms, so I started to get a little suspicious.

You can see where this is going. But before anyone gets too excited, I’ll cut to the chase: My beta came back at 5.

I know that means I’m pregnant, but we’d feel much better about it if there was another number after the 5. And, I’m spotting. Although I've been spotting for four or five days now, and the chest soreness – which started around the same time – still seems to be progressing. I would tend to think that if the spotting means this is already in trouble, I wouldn’t be getting more sore, but who knows? It is very possible that I am only at the very end of the third week or beginning of the fourth week, in which case a 5 wouldn’t be totally and completely unreasonable.

My PCP’s office did the test, but I haven’t actually heard from the doctor yet. (The lab tech has gotten to know me during these past few years, so I was able to talk her into giving me the results before the doctor had officially reviewed them.) I also called my ob/gyn’s office and the fertility clinic we’re planning to go to, but neither of them have called me back yet, either.

I expect I’ll be doing another beta on Wednesday. In the meantime, I’m going to try not to obsess. Because at this point, the only thing we can do is pray.