'My Lemon of a Body'

I promise, my goal is to someday write a happy, positive, cheery post again. I used to be an optimist, I swear.

Today is not one of my optimistic days, though.

I had my follow-up to the Bad Blood Pressure appointment today. It was still high (144 over I-have-no-idea), but not as bad as before (150-something over 100-something). So at least I'm moving in the right direction, but obviously still a long ways to go.

And now there are other issues. One, my fasting glucose was in the pre-diabetic range at 110, even though I'm on Metformin. Another bad sign, and another huge motivation to exercise and eat better.

But the bigger news was that my TSH level came back at a measly 0.092. Apparently, I have hyperthyroidism. Hyperthyroidism can cause high blood pressure. (Although I probably can't blame all of my blood pressue on that, as much as I would like to.) And it can cause miscarriage. (Again, can't blame it for all of my m/c's - I've had my TSH tested a few times during the past 5 years, and it's never been this low before.)

So it needs to be addressed, which may mean postponing the cycle we were planning to do in October. Since we're only planning the retrieval for October (a transfer would probably be February at the earliest, assuming there is anything to transfer), maybe there's still a chance we can do that - I'm waiting to hear back from the RE.

I also have a list of appointments to go to now, starting with a thyroid ultrasound next week. (I'm so used to trans-vag ultrasounds, let's hope I remember to keep my pants on for that one. Imagine the ultrasound tech's shock if I suddenly start to undress...) And then there's a lovely 3-part nuclear medicine "uptake" test and scan of some sort that involves me swallowing a radioactive substance while the tech who gave it to me flees the room. (It's never a good sign when the FAQs include "Why Do Medical Personnel Run For the Door After They Give Me RAI?")

And because I haven't whined enough, let me add that on top of all of this lovely news, one of my best friends confided to me this afternoon that she is pregnant again. Of course I'm happy for her, and she's the most supportive IRL friend I have because her first child and this baby are both IVF babies, so she knows what it's like. But still, it hurts a bit to think that she is now well on her way to having her second child, and here I am probably postponing a cycle for at least a few months and don't even have a first kid.

One more thing I feel compelled to whine about: Everything I read says hyperthyroidism causes weight loss. If I'm going to have to deal with this darn problem, the least I could have is that symptom! I mean, really, is it so much to ask for? Fat cells, fleeing my body. Running far, far away. With everything else I have to deal with, I at least deserve that! But noooo, they're all still here, stubbornly clinging to me, mostly in places that make me look like I'm pregnant when really I'm not. When I pointed this out to the physician assistant who was delivering the news to me this morning, ("What do you mean, hyPERthyroidism? Have you SEEN the number written down for my weight on that chart?") she said no such luck. Apparently, it's actually a rather rare symptom. It would figure that would be one of the few things where I actually didn't fall on the rare side of the odds.

All of this reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend of mine when we went to go see a movie earlier this month. She has had several health problems, including infertility, MS, and ironically enough, a thyroid issue. Now she's facing knee replacement (at age 36) for an old knee injury. During our conversation, she said, "I'm doing okay, but some days I wish I could trade in my lemon of a body for a different one!" I know how she feels.

On the bright side (see, this is me working to try to dig up at least a little bit of my formerly sunny, optimistic self), my cholesterol was shockingly normal at 181. It's been in the 210-230 range for the past couple of years, so this was a very nice surprise. I have no idea what improved it, but I'll just be glad about it. And try very hard to resist the urge to go out and have a steak for dinner to celebrate it.