March 04, 2007

That Was Then, This Is Now

Exactly six months ago today, I was at home, spending Labor Day with R. We were doing actual labor on Labor Day, using a rented steam cleaner to blast dirt out of the grout in our tile floor. It was a long-overdue task – we’d lived in the home for four and a half years and hadn’t bothered to clean the grout once in that time.

We’d just finished our first (failed) fresh IVF cycle and preparing for our first FET. I was working at a job I’d had for five and a half years. Other than that FET cycle, we had no major plans coming up.

That was then.

Fast-forward six months, and here we are: We’ve unexpectedly bought a new house that is 50 percent larger, my mom has moved in with us, we’ve had one failed FET, a second FET that started out well but ended in the miscarriage of twins (one at a time, nine days apart), I’ve quit my job, I’ve embarked on a new career, and we’ve found out that R’s sperm counts are suddenly normal, which means that we could conceivably (sorry, I couldn’t resist) get pregnant on our own.

Welcome to now.

Oh, and did I mention that we’re also gearing up for another fresh IVF cycle in a couple months, assuming that we don’t conceive naturally?

I’m hoping that the insanity will settle down soon. I’ve had the best intentions of spending more time blogging and catching up with all of you. Unfortunately, as it turns out, I stink at quitting, so I haven’t yet had as much free time as I hoped to.

How is it possible to stink at quitting, you ask? Well, let’s see. I, um, keep showing up to work even though my two weeks’ notice has come and gone. My last full-time day was in mid-February, but I told my boss I would continue to work part-time for a while. We didn’t set a firm end-date for the part-time schedule, and when I’ve attempted to bring that subject up, my former boss and current boss kind of start to panic. And I am the quintessential people-pleaser who hates to disappoint people, so I haven’t pushed the issue.

I can’t complain, though, because I couldn’t be more flattered – they’ve made it very clear that they would love for me to stay. But I did finally tell my boss on Friday that I need to stop altogether, so my last day will either be this coming Friday or the Friday after that.

My intention has been to spend more time exercising and eating healthy, and to begin a new career as a Realtor. I’ve always loved homes, I’m a native to my city so I know the nuances of the area well, and I met a Realtor a couple years ago who quickly became one of my best friends. She is an incredible person. She is a fertile, but she totally gets infertility even better than some former infertiles that R and I are friends with. She has been in the business for about four years, and we are working together now. She is totally holding my hand every step of the way; otherwise, there’s no way I would have been brave enough to step out and do this!

But I love the idea of having more flexibility and freedom in my schedule and of being able to be my own boss. So R and I have given me a year to see how this goes. So far I’m having fun, but combined with the part-time job, I’m still not having a lot of free time. Hopefully that will change once I quit for good and actually stop showing up…