July 10, 2009

Turning 35, Feeling Fragile

In less than 12 hours, I will officially reach the age that makes REs hyperventilate.

I've actually been doing pretty good about it - mostly just ignoring it. Non-IF pregnant women in their ignorant state of bliss haven't annoyed me any more than usual this week. I had lunch with a friend today, and she told me about a former co-worker whose wife had their first baby a couple weeks ago. They got married less than two years ago. Yea, hooray, whatever. Not a single tear of self-pity welled up.

Then R's dad called tonight. We celebrate my birthday and R's brother's birthday together, because his birthday is the day after mine. I picked the restaurant, so it's R's brother's call for the movie.

The (32-year-old, single, childless) man wanted to see "Up". I'm sorry, but I'm going to be downer than "Down" if I have to spend 2 hours of my 35th birthday sitting in a theater surrounded by children, thinking about how I'm now 7 years older, 50 pounds heavier and $100,000 poorer than when we started TTC. I don't care if it's the best movie of the year, the most fantastic example of animation ever created - I can't do it.

We're going to see "The Hangover" instead. And although I've never been drunk before (I don't like the taste of alcohol, so can't drink it fast enough), I may just decide to end the day with a hangover myself.

P.S. I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers for my dad, and I'll update more about him soon. A quick synopsis: He had another bone marrow biopsy this week, and he's supposed to get the results next Thursday, so we'll have a better sense of what's going on then. The pills his doctor gave him last month did, in fact, turn out to be chemotherapy. He tolerated it very well, and he is very proud that he still has his hair. I'll be going out to see him again soon, but I don't know exactly when yet. (KayJay, thanks for asking. And, congrats on beta #1!)


Sue said...

I totally sympathize...I turned 35 2 weeks ago. DEFINITELY don't go see Up - it has an infertility theme to it and I cried through the entire movie. Yes, it was great and funny at times but overall, it will seriously make you cry. I'll keep your dad in my prayers.

Grad3 said...

Stupid 35... ~Hugs~

DAVs said...

We're all hitting that magic number together--it'll hit me end of next month. UGH.
I hope your birthday celebration turns out to be a good one--I've heard The Hangover is pretty funny. And do give us updates on your Dad...I'm right there with you on that one too. Sigh.

kayjay said...

I turned 35 last year and I remember I felt exactly the same as you did - like I was approaching the fertility cliff and dangling one foot off of it. Really though, are your eggs and ovaries going to instantly turn to dust and crumble in the morning? No...really, they won't. You also have all those normals frozen and to me, that is the hard part of the whole thing IMO. Just celebrate in your own way and a way that makes YOU, the birthday girl, happy. Please keep us updated on your Dad and I will keep him in my thoughts. Thanks for the congrats too by the way!

kayjay said...

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday Rebecca!
Happy birthday to YOOO-OOO!

Lorraine said...

Yeah... I remember when I thought 35 was old.

Sounds like you have a lot going on, and I haven't read your entire archives, but all I can say is keep at it while you're in your "mid-thirties". The age that REALLY scares the poop out of an RE?

Starts with the letter "F".

Happy Birthday! Hope your thirties turn out to be the best yet!

MrsSpock said...

From what I heard about "Up", you made a good choice. Hope the Hangover left you laughing...

Phoebe said...

If your RE hyperventilates at you turning 35, mine is going to flat line in a month when I turn 43. Sorry, but I can't really feel sorry for you cuz 35 just seems so long ago for me!! You must use mind over matter at this point in your life. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!!

Seriously, don't let turning 35 get you down. It may be harder to get pregnant, but it doesn't mean you are out of the game. It just means you have to up the ante.

Sending you healing wishes for your dad.