Here We Go Again

So, the second line seemed to be darkening appropriately. After testing twice a day Monday and Tuesday, I managed to limit myself to just once a day on Wednesday and yesterday.

And now there is pink. Sigh.

I was happy with how the line looked yesterday morning. And throughout the day, I was nauseous and completely, totally exhausted, to the point that I only made one of the three dishes I was planning to make for dinner, since I kept having to lay down to rest. Then once we got to R's parents house, I couldn't even manage to stay at the dinner table the whole time because I was so tired.

We got home, and I saw a tiny spot of pink. It was accompanied by a little bit of progesterone suppository gunk (sorry, TMI), so I wasn't too worried about it.

Then, when I had to get up at 4 a.m. to go to the bathroom again, this time there was pink staining. And when I laid back down, there was pain. I wouldn't exactly call it cramping, but it was something, and it didn't feel like uterine stretching pains. I know all of that can be "normal" at this point, but I'd prefer not to have any of it happening.

I was going to forego the HPT this morning, but since I continued to see staining, I decided to do it. Fortunately, the test line was significantly darker than yesterday's. It's now to the point of being the same darkness as the control line. And the staining turned to brown and seems to have tapered off. But I have had plenty of energy today, which concerns me a bit.

The first blood test is tomorrow morning. I will once again be HPTing and comparing the line to this morning's line. And the number won't really tell us a whole lot until Monday, when we'll have information about whether it's continuing to rise, and if so, how much.

We will see what happens. So far, I am just thankful for pregnancy #8, regardless of how long it lasts. I am truly enjoying this, and this time, I have not yet felt any of the underlying fear that I experienced with Miss A's pregnancy. We still desperately want this to work, of course, but us becoming parents is no longer dependent on it, so that does seem to be taking some of the pressure off. Just one more thing on a very, very long list of things we are incredibly thankful for this season.

I Am Not a Patient Person

Transfer (of one day 5 blast) was on Thursday. My first blood test is scheduled for Saturday. And just how long did I last before I caved and ripped open a FRER? Exactly 94 hours post-transfer (4dp5dt). It wasn't even FMU.

I could be crazy, but I think I see the faintest bit of a faint, faint second line that was visible after about 2 minutes and is still visible. I even got out one of Miss A's old tests (yes, I still have them, and I know exactly where they are - yet more evidence of the crazy, I realize) to see if the line I think I am seeing is the correct distance away from the control line, and it is exactly the same distance from the control line as the Miss A test that I looked at.

So far, I have never had a false positive with a FRER. There was one time I made R take a test to see if I could see a faint line thinking that maybe it was an evap line or something like that, and on his test there was absolutely no hint of a second line.

Also, during my second pregnancy (natural and unexpected, about 2 months before our first IVF), I got a line that is very similar to this morning's line. When I went in a couple hours later to get a blood test, my level was at 5. So I know the FRERs are very sensitive. Of course, the beginning of the end of that pregnancy arrived a few hours later, but it also did not involve IVF, genetic testing, any sort of support meds, or IVIg.

I also know from lots of past experience that there is nothing - not a line today, not any other positive signs that might occur in the next 8 1/2 months - that guarantees we will be holding a living, breathing baby sibling of Miss A's in our arms next year. But for the moment, I am thrilled, and I'm just going to enjoy that feeling while there's reason to enjoy it.

And count down the hours until I test again, which quite possibly may be this evening.

Incubating

I am officially incubating.

I chickened out a few days ago and called the clinic to tell them that we wanted to transfer 1 instead of 2. If I was 10 years younger, 50 pounds lighter, and had lower blood pressure, we probably wouldn't even have given transferring 2 a second thought. But given the reality of my physical shape, and the additional risks those things pose, I just couldn't bring myself to take risk that we didn't absolutely have to take.

Of course, as soon as I got into the transfer room, I was thinking "Ok, changed my mind again, I wonder if they can thaw a second one while I wait?" But I stuck with the plan.

Part of me thinks that since our last 5 attempts (including one natural attempt and one other single embryo transfer) have resulted in BFPs initially, there's a good chance this one will too. Then there's the other part of me that says "You transferred 1, you should have transferred 2, you really lowered your odds."

I'm already on alert for the "kneading" feelings I felt while on bed rest after the transfer with Miss A, although if I remember correctly, that didn't happen until the second day.

Do you think it's too early to start testing??

No News is...Well, No News

As you have probably noticed by now, when I get behind on commenting, I also tend to stop posting - I always tend to feel like I should get caught up on commenting before I post.

However, since my last post mentioned an upcoming FET and it's been almost 2 months, I just wanted to pop in and say there is no news to share either way yet (assuming anyone is even still wondering).

We were supposed to transfer in mid-October, but in the end of September, my varicella results came back. In spite of having the 2-part vaccine several years ago (I never had the chicken pox growing up, despite my mother's best efforts in sending me over to my friends houses when they got it), my immunity had waned. Even though Miss A is current on her vaccines, and R and my mom have both had it, since Miss A is in day care we opted not to risk it. Which meant I needed to get a booster vaccine, then wait 30 days to transfer.

Except that about 2 days after we found out those results, Miss A was generous in sharing the Hand, Foot, and Mouth disease virus that she caught. So I spent 10 days with a lovely burning sensation that was reminiscent of having an entire mouthful of cinnamon red hot candies at once, combined with about 20 canker sores all over my mouth and tongue. There were 2 days of work meetings I had to cancel because it was literally too painful to talk. And because it was an active virus, I had to wait until that cleared up before getting the booster.

So now we are scheduled to transfer on Nov. 21. We wound up having to do a protocol that does not include a lupron/progesterone overlap or BCPs, so there's a possibility I could ovulate on my own, which would result in the cycle being canceled and no chance to try another transfer until next year.

If we do transfer as scheduled, I believe the first beta would be 2 days after Thanksgiving. And since I always wind up testing at home at least 2-3 days before beta, we'll probably know whether or not we have a new exciting possibility to be thankful for. But regardless of whatever way these next couple of weeks go, we have a tremendous amount to be thankful for.