An Uneventful Weekend

It's been a relatively average weekend on the Kiddo front. I had some aching and cramping on Saturday morning that I thought marked the beginning of the end, but it went away by late morning. I had some very light (brown) spotting again this morning, but it tapered out by mid-afternoon, and there was no cramping or aching to accompany it.

I've been oddly calm through all of this. I even went shopping for some new clothes for work on Saturday. Since I can't change what I weigh overnight, and since I can't even diet right now, I decided to suck up the fact that I am double the dress size I want to be and just enjoyed the shopping experience overall.

Except that I've run into one small (but visible) problem. This is my fifth pregnancy, and every time my belly pops out earlier than the time before. (My belly already extends farther than my boobs.) I'm exactly 7w0d today if you count by my last CD1, and if I wear my favorite new outfit, it's really obvious that I'm pregnant. So I'm going to have to hold off on wearing that until I'm in my second trimester and more willing to let my stomach speak for itself or until this pg ends and my stomach shrinks back a couple of inches.

Oh, one other thing. I did some research on Friday about trigger shots. I had forgotten that if you take a trigger shot, ovulation is 2 days later. So I ovulated on CD16 of this cycle, not CD14. So if you calculate based on ovulation date, I'm really only 6w5d today, and I was only 6w2d on Thursday when the ultrasounds were done. Ob's office measured the gestational sac at 6w0d, which isn't that far off at all given how early it is. Of course, I don't know how accurate that measurement is since the nurse practitioner doesn't usually do ultrasounds. And I also don't know what the level 2 ultrasound measured the sac at.

I've also come across several places online where women have seen only a gestational sac at 6.5 weeks (and sometimes even at 7.5 weeks) and then went on to see a fetal pole and heartbeat (in one case, not until 9+ weeks) and then had the baby, so I've decided that I'm going to ask for at least 2 more scans before deciding to do anything, unless it becomes obvious that I have a ruptured tube.

Work begins in 9.5 hours. Wish me luck on my new job. And pray that the first impression I make at this company doesn't involve a trip to the emergency room...

'Suspicious but not Definitive'

Those are never good words when it comes to a pregnancy.

Ob's office wound up calling back this morning to tell us that Ob's meeting had been canceled and we were back on for our appointment today. We rushed down there, only to discover that Ob and the other ob in the practice wound up having to leave in the meantime for deliveries.

The receptionist started to tell me they would need to reschedule, but I interrupted her to mention that I was bleeding. (Although honestly, most of it had stopped by then and it has since completely stopped.) She pointed to a chair and said "Go sit." So we did. And sat, and sat. Finally after about an hour, I was able to see the nurse practitioner.

She said there's a small polyp that is of no concern on my cervix that is probably what caused the bleeding. She warned us that she doesn't usually do ultrasounds, but she would attempt one on me to see if she could tell us anything definitive. She saw a gestational sac and what she thought were a yolk sac, fetal pole and a tiny flickering heartbeat. She wasn't able to hear the heartbeat, but she said trying to do that at this stage (6w4d) is like "trying to take the pulse of an ant."

Since she wasn't 100 percent confident in what she saw, she sent me for a level 2 ultrasound with an obstetric radiologist. He of the "suspicious but not definitive" proclamation wasn't nearly so cheery.

He had multiple concerns, including:

• The gestational sac is "slightly abnormally shaped" - not quite as round and oval as he would like it to be.


• The sac is measuring small and behind. I didn't even bother to ask how far behind.


• What looked like two small hemmorages near the baby, which he thought was likely the cause of the spotting. Although he wasn't as concerned about that as I thought he would have been.


• And now, for the kicker - he can't tell at this point whether the baby is in my uterus or in a Fallopian tube. If it's in the tube, it's in the portion of the tube that is within the uterus. If it's in the uterus, it's up in the corner, which still doesn't sound like a good place to be. But when I asked about what that would mean if it truly is in the corner of the uterus, he would only say, "Let's not worry ourselves with that at this point."

He ordered another HCg, although given that the last one was 17 days ago, I don't think it will really tell us much unless the level is very low. And since I'm still feeling fatigued, sore breasts, etc., I don't think it's that low. But who knows, I could be wrong.

Other than that, he said basically all we can do is wait and scan again in a week, assuming I don't have major pain that would indicate a possibly ruptured tube in the meantime.

Oh, and get this. I start my new job on Monday. I got an e-mail from my new boss today. Several members of our group who work in different sites around the country are going to be in town next week for an all-hands meeting. So on Monday, after my first day, we're all going out to dinner. And then on Tuesday, we're in a meeting all day. Let's hope I don't have to excuse myself in the middle of dinner or the meeting by saying, "Pardon me, I think I've just ruptured a tube..."

On the bright side, my new job is literally just across the street from one of the hospitals where Ob is on staff, so at least I don't have far to go.

Seeing Pink

And not in a good way.

This morning, Ob's office called to push back tomorrow's ultrasound to Friday.

This afternoon, my mother (who lives with us) and I got into a big fight. Apparently I am a controlling, bossy *itch who's main goal in life is to scheme up ways to make her think she has Alzheimer's. (What I gain by doing so was never made clear - apparently that's beside the point.) I tried to stay calm throughout it all. (She doesn't know I'm pg.)

This evening, there was pink on the toilet paper. Not a lot, but enough. And it was there multiple times.

Right now, it doesn't seem to be enough to warrant going to the emergency room. Still no cramping, but I'm sufficiently freaked anyway. I'm calling Ob's office in the morning to see if they can get me in with another doc.

6w2d

I'm not sure that I'm truly over the 6w1d hurdle yet, but so far there have been no more signs of spotting.

I realized a couple of things while R and I were wandering around Target last night buying some organizing supplies:

1) Technically, I'm not sure if yesterday was 6w1d or 5w6d. If I base it on when CD1 was, then yesterday was 6w1d. But I had two possible ovulation dates: CD 14 and CD 16, because I had one follicle that measured two days behind the other two. So if I'm pg with the one that ovulated on CD 16, then really tomorrow will be what I think of as 6w1d. So I'm not feeling like I'm totally over the 6w1d hump yet.

2) I was stupidly tempting fate. The Target we were wandering around was the same one I was in when I discovered I had started to bleed out the twin pregnancy about 14 months ago. I'm not an overly superstitious person, but still - there are just some things that don't need to be tempted.

The first ultrasound is scheduled for 49.5 hours from now, assuming I make it that far. But I seem to be getting even more fatigued, and I'm starting to notice a pattern of morning nausea now, so hopefully those are both good signs. Here's hoping I make it to Thursday...

And Then There Was Spotting

Today is 5w6d. Historically, except for the last pregnancy, all have gone wrong by 6w1d.

This afternoon when I went to the bathroom, there was some slight spotting. It was very light, and it was brown, and it was not there the next time I went to the bathroom.

I haven't had any menstrual type cramps. I laid down and took a nap for a couple of hours. My boobs still hurt, I still seem to be having the "good" kind of cramping pain that I'm guessing are ligaments stretching.

But still, there was spotting. I know spotting is not always a bad thing. I know lots of women have spotting and go on to have normal, healthy, totally fine pregnancies. But I also know one other thing.

Spotting is never a good thing. At best, it's neutral. At worst, well, let's see. I've had lots of experience with that. Five times, as a matter of fact.

I've spent two of the past four Mother's Days miscarrying. Let's hope I don't start to make it a holiday trend.

Totally OT - Pet Safety Question

Okay, this is totally not related to infertility, but I'm hoping someone out there has an answer to this question.

We have lived in a two-story house for about 18 months, and I'm just now getting around to ordering an escape ladder to keep upstairs in our bedroom. Hopefully we will never need it, but if we ever do, we have quite the zoo to evacuate from our house.

I've found a ladder that I'm going to buy, but I can't find anything that we could use to help get our two dogs out the window and down the ladder. They both weigh about 40 pounds, so those cute little carriers that work for dogs like Yorkies and pom poms wouldn't work, because all of those seem to have a limit of 20 to 22 pounds.

One of our dogs is accustomed to being carried around (albiet, something we did more frequently when she was still at her 25-30 pound stage). However, going out a window with a fire happening is something that I imagine might make even her a bit squirmy. Our little guy is not used to being carried, so he'd squirm from the start.

They do both have harnesses (made out of the same material as their leashes), but I don't know that those would be strong enough to hold them if we tried to lower them with that.

For the cats, I figure we could just stick them both in a small duffel bag and sling it over our shoulder. (Much easier to carry in a situation like that than their pet carriers.) The snitty one would probably try to fight the nice one, but then again, given the circumstances under which sticking them in there would happen, she might be too shocked to start anything.

At any rate, we still need a solution for the dogs. So if anyone has one, please speak up. I can't believe this has not been addressed in the retail market, but this is the first time I've ever lived in a two-story house, so I've never had to look for something like this. Thanks.

Jaded

Thanks to all of you for the kind wishes. So far, so good, but we're taking it day by day.

This afternoon I was reminded of just how jaded these past five years have made me.

I was at lunch with a friend, and he was telling me about a job he applied for that he is hoping comes through. The waiter interrupted us to ask if we wanted dessert. We declined, and then after the waiter left, my friend said something to the effect of, "Well, if things end badly, maybe we'll have to come back and slough it off with some peach cobbler."

I nodded and murmured some sound of agreement, thinking about the possibility of losing a 6th baby. About 30 seconds passed before I realized he wasn't talking about my pregnancy - he was talking about if he didn't get the job.

Honestly, I'm not normally that self-absorbed. But it's just that when someone talks about something going badly, apparently it's become an automatic reflex to think of that in terms of pregnancy and miscarriage.

You've Gotta Love the Irony

I was supposed to have a child today.

March 9 was the due date of our fourth pregnancy/fifth baby.

I HPT'd again this afternoon. The ones I did on Monday and Tuesday came out negative.

Today, there were two lines. I'm pregnant again.

Let's hope the 5th time is the charm.

O' Happy Day

I know, I know - I'm three months behind in blooging. There's lots of catching up to do, but for now let me just say this:

The heavens have opened up, the angels are singing and God is smiling down on us: I have just accepted a kick-butt job offer that also has IF coverage, INCLUDING IVF!!!

Oh, and one more thing: I might be pregnant. I'm not feeling terribly hopeful, but at this moment it is theoretically a possibility.

Wouldn't it be just my luck that I would get a job with IF coverage and then not need it? But hey, if that's what it takes to get a kiddo to stick for the long haul, fine by me!

Stay tuned for more...Coming up soon: a hard and fast downward spiral, layoffs at R's company and going back to the very basics of infertility treatment. (Here's a hint - Clomid, anyone?)