April 18, 2010

Yin and Yang

One of the things I've been most grateful for these past 7 years is that R and I have always been on the same page or able to quickly get to that point. The other thing that ranks up there at the top of the list is our ability to switch from yin to yang roles when need be.

You see, it's mainly R who has been the optimist in this process. Especially when we were first starting out, he was so confident that everything would work out, that we would get the results we hoped for. And I needed that, because by my nature I tend to be a bit more of a glass-half-empty kind of gal.

His optimism lasted a good long while, even through the canceled cycles, the failed cycles, the failed adoptions. Then when we hit miscarriage #4, after seeing that promising heartbeat for three appointments in a row, the optimism faded. He struggled more than he ever had in the past, and he didn't bounce back like he had with all the other disappointments and rounds of bad news.

Suddenly it was up to me to be the optimistic one, because one of us has to be, or what's the point of continuing to try? So we swapped places, and for the last year and a half I've played the role of cheerleader (hard to believe, I know, given the tone of most of my posts) while he struggled to believe.

And now that this cycle started and I began to hyperventilate a bit, at the moment I needed him to assume the role of optimist, there it was - his trademark confidence that this will all work out. It's wonderful to see that in him again; I didn't realize how much I'd missed it.


lastchanceivf said...

It really is a lucky thing to have that kind of balance in a relationship--so glad for you and your DH! We always joke that only one of us can have a major freak out at any given time...and it's served us well.
And also--let us hold onto the hope for you as well during all of this, if you're just not there. We get it. It's hard. You've been through so much. But I, for one, am full of hope for you :)

Silver said...

Given what IF can do to partnerships, we are lucky if our other halves are in the same book as us, never mind the same page. You sound like you've got a good 'un there and I'm glad that he's feeling positive. I'd say that you should too, but I know exactly where you're coming from and how hard it is to be optimistic after disappointments. LC's right - the blogworld can do that for you!

Mo and Will said...

What a wonderful thing it is to be in a couple and to be able to do this for each other. I don't know how i'd get through infertility without Will. So glad R and you are able to balance each other in this way.


MrsSpock said...

I've always been grateful that Mr S has been the strong partner while I lose it. Not sure how couples manage if both are imploding...