January 14, 2007

Well, That Was Fun While It Lasted

As I’m sure you can guess, Friday morning’s ultrasound did not go well. It was done at an office that includes a perinatologist, a genetic counselor and a radiologist who specializes strictly in obstetrical radiology. If you’re there, it’s because something is going (or appears to be going) very, very wrong – it’s not the kind of place where you go if you’re having a happy, run-of-the-mill pregnancy.

After what was by far the most thorough wanding of my life (the tech recorded 53 different images!), the radiologist came in and gave the verdict: “abnormal pregnancy tissue,” “an abnormally shaped gestational sac” and “there’s no hope for this to progress.”

I held it together pretty well up until the words “there’s no hope,” and then my throat closed, my eyes started to fill up and I scanned the room in hopes of spotting a Kleenex box. The tech noticed, and she grabbed a very long, thin box and brought it over to me.

For a moment, I didn’t understand, because this was not like any Kleenex box I’d ever seen. Then, as she pulled out this big, thick paper that had to be at least 20 inches by 20 inches, the image of a clown pulling a giant handkerchief out of his sleeve flashed through my mind. The sound that came from my throat began as a laugh but ended up more like a choked cry.

The radiologist and the tech took that as their cue to high-tail it out of the room, which they promptly did. As soon as the door shut behind them, I buried my whole face in the clown Kleenex and wailed.

I have to hand it to that place – at least they know their audience. No normal-size tissues designed for a dainty little sneeze. No siree, these were definitely industrial strength Kleenex, designed for industrial strength tears.

I’ve been told to stop all meds and to expect the miscarriage of baby B to begin sometime this week.

Two miscarriages less than three weeks into the new year. Not exactly the way I had pictured to start 2007…

19 comments:

Jules said...

Rebecca, I'm so sorry.

Words can not express the hurt & pain you are feeling.

Please take care.

Thinking of you

xo

Meg said...

Rebecca. I am so so sorry.

shazz said...

Swwty I am so so sorry. Takecare of yourself and sending lots of hugs.

Thalia said...

Rebecca, this is just royal suckage, I am so sorry.

Larisa said...

How absolutely shitty. I'm so so sorry. I can't imagine.

Take care of yourself as best you can.

Watson said...

Rebecca,

I am so, so sorry.

Keeping you in my thoughts.

xoxo

Beagle said...

I'm so very sorry for your losses.

Nico said...

Oh, crap, Rebecca. I am SO sorry that you have had so many losses. It is just so unfair.

Kirsten said...

I am so sorry to hear that. Sending you hugs and keeping you in my prayers.

twirl said...

Use all the kleenex you need.

Thinking of you.

Watson said...

Hi again,

I just wanted pop back over and say thank you SO much for leaving such great info for me on my blog.

With everything you're going through, it's truly amazing that you would take the time to share so much of your knowledge with me, and I want you to know how much I appreciate it.

Take care of yourself, and again -- thanks so much.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts :-)

the waiting line said...

Rebecca, I am so very, very sorry. Words just can't express how much I wish this didn't happen to you, your embryos or your family.

((lots of tight hugs))

Hopeful Mother said...

I am so sorry, Rebecca. You have been through SO much.

Motel Manager said...

I'm so, so sorry to hear this. You deserve better luck in the rest of 2007.

Lucy said...

Oh god, I am so sorry to read this news. I can't imagine how awful you are feeling right now. So so sorry.

Amy said...

I am terribly sorry for you and your husband. I hope for good things for you both in the future. Right now, take time for yourself to deal with this hell.

FrogLegs said...

Oh... :(
Many thoughts,

Lucy said...

Just stopping back by (Jan 25) to see how you're holding up and let you know I'm thinking of you.

VanillaDreams said...

I am late arriving here, but I wanted to say I am deeply sorry to read of your losses. It is unbearably painful.

I wish you much healing and for better times to come your way soon.

Take care of yourself, and my thoughts are with you, your husband, and your little embryos.

All the best,
Nilla
xx