June 14, 2010

Bouncing Around Like a Ping Pong Ball

Me without a plan is not a pretty sight.

I have been (figuratively, at least) all over the map this past week in trying to decide what to do next. Last Tuesday, about 2 minutes after R walked in the door, I announced that I didn't think we'd qualify for my first choice country for international adoption. He didn't even know I was thinking about international adoption.

On Wednesday night, he finished a work-related call and then walked into the room to find me e-mailing potential gestational surrogates. By Thursday I was on the phone with one of them. (I don't think that particular situation is going to work out.)

At dinner on Sunday, I announced that I thought we should consider a different country. Then that night I received an e-mail from an old Resolve friend who highly recommends a local domestic adoption agency that R wants us to consider working with. Over the past several years, there have been several people who have mentioned that particular agency to me, and every one of them has had good things to say. I've searched online for opinions about them, and I honestly have not been able to find one negative thing.

Poor R's head is spinning. And he's wondering what country (or other crazy option) he's going to come home to tomorrow. :-)

All of those may be future options, but for now, I think our next step is Option #1 - trying again with me.

It pretty much comes down to something Mo said in a comment that Blogspot seems to have somehow eaten, but thankfully not before it landed in my inbox: "If you don't know that you've lost pregnancies to nonchromosomal issues while being treated for the thyroid/factor V, then I still think carrying on your own might be your best shot."

Technically, this miscarriage would be the first one we've lost while I was treated for Factor V and thyroid, and the embryo was presumably normal given the CGH results. But given that this one also looks like it was probably ectopic, it could be that this one was just bad luck. So I think it may reasonable to give it at least one more shot.

There's one thing I want to look into first, though - the possibility of endometriosis. When I saw ob last month for my RhoGham shot, it was a very hastily arranged appointment, and his office didn't have a chance to get my chart from the office where I usually see him to the office he was at that day.

In trying to remember my history, he asked about endometriosis. When I told him I haven't had any of the symptoms of it, he said that many women don't have symptoms. Then he proceeded to tell me about a friend of his who asked him to go to the ER with her because she thought she was having appendicitis. It turned out that instead of appendicitis, it was the worst case of endo that ob had ever seen. He said he couldn't understand how she hadn't had pain before then, but she hadn't.

Here's the thing: I've been to the ER twice in the last four years with symptoms of appendicitis. The second time, the ER doc was so sure it was my appendix based on his exam that he had the nurse call down to the OR and tell the on-call surgery team (which had been called in for another case) to stay put because he was going to be sending down an appendectomy. But both times, CT scans showed that my appendix was just fine. So they sent me home, saying "We don't know what it is, but we know it's not an emergency."

And - this will sound incredibly stupid - when I poke around to the right of my belly button, there is pain. I first noticed it a few months before the first "appendicitis" attack. I was gearing up for IVF #1, and I was poking around on my stomach trying to figure out where I was going to do all the shots. I noticed it hurt when I pressed (not particularly hard) in some areas. But then I got sick the next week with a lot of GI symptoms and eventually wound up with a diagnosis of IBS, so I always assumed it was that. Even now, I avoid giving myself shots in the area where I most commonly feel the pain. It tends to sting like crazy when I do them there, so I generally choose my left side for the shots.

So, the really stupid part - it's honestly never occurred to me to mention this to an RE. And all of their questions about endo have been along the lines of "Does it hurt when you have sex?" (no), not "Do you ever feel like you're having appendicitis?", so the subject has just never come up.

I have an appointment in two weeks to discuss this with ob. I've also sent a note to RE's nurse explaining the appointment and asking if RE would want to weigh in on this if ob recommends a laparoscopy, but I haven't heard back yet because nurse was on vacation last week.

I'm not quite sure if this is truly a legitimate concern/possibility, or if I'm just a crazy person grasping at straws.


Nico said...

I think the plan you have come up with is a good one. You might as well try with yourself one more time, anything else is going to take a while to get underway anyway, right? I do think that knowing you have normal embryos the ectopic this time was just one more shit piece of luck in a very bad run, and *hopefully* won't happen again.

lastchanceivf said...

Well, better to leave no stone unturned. I definitely think you still have a shot and if that's what your heart is telling you to do, then go for it! If you decide on something else, we'll support that too.

ME Gregory said...

delurking - first, I'm sorry this has been so hard. Can totally understand your ping ponging too with all the options, sounds like you've made a good plan. Just wanted to weigh in on the endo front. Absolutely discuss it and get it checked out. I had it pretty severely (but my pain wasn't severe) and when they were in there they found a weird birth defect that had caused my left ovary to be pinned backwards and attached to the bowel. w/o the surgery they would have never guessed it except for the terrible IUI experience I had. after they fixed that and the endo, I was able to get and stay pg a few months after the surgery using fertility treatments. Just thought I would briefly share - really think you should get that checked out!

mara said...

I do the EXACT SAME THING with the ping ponging around. I'll get really into one idea, think it might solve all our problems, research the crap out of it, and meanwhile, my husband has no idea I was even thinking about it.

I think checking out the endo is definitely a good idea - if for no other reason than you'll have one less thing to worry about for your next transfer.

Hoping the path becomes clearer over the next couple of days.

Silver said...

No - I think getting checked for endo is a really good idea. In the UK, if you have any trouble conceiving, one of the first things they do once you get past the GP stage is to do a lap and dye to check your tubes and the state of your innards.

Libby said...

We all ping pong. It's what we do best :) My DH has learned to just go with the flow.

I think you are making a sound decision by trying again with you since you have identifiable problems that are being treated. The ectopic was just unfortunate. Sad and unfortunate.

I would agree that you should check out the possibility of endometriosis. I get on the crazy train myself once in a while. Sometimes I think that my uterus is stuck to another organ. They should have never told me they wrapped my poor ute in some dissolvable fabric to PREVENT it from sticking to other organs as it healed from my fibroid surgery. It's in my head now though!

Hope you make some headway soon.

Polly Gamwich said...

I think it's a great idea to check every possibility. Especially if things seem questionable to you.

I hope you can get together your plan and can move forward.

Angie said...

Delurking - I was also dx with IBS after episodes of appendicitis-like attacks almost 3 yrs ago. Then after we saw RE, he mentioned endo.....which turned out to be mild in my case but he said there is no correlation with the severity of ito and the pain one may/may not experience. The downfall is the only way to diagnose and know for sure is by doing a lap. However, this gives them the opportunity to make sure everything else is okay "in there"! He also found a cyst that was wrapped around one of my tubes....which would not have been found otherwise.

I think it is a great idea to discuss the lap!