June 01, 2010

It's Almost Over, Really (I Think)

Out of all the miscarriages I've had, this has definitely been the most unusual one. Typically, my numbers go up, my numbers come back down, the end.

Not this time. Beta #5 (last Monday, 8 days ago) was 188. The bleeding that had started 5 days before that (and seemed like a full period) was pretty much winding down by that point. Beta #6 was Friday, and there had been no bleeding at all for a couple of days by then. It was 187.

The nurse wanted to talk about a D&C or methotrexate, but I wasn't ready yet. They were concerned about the possibility of an ectopic, but I wanted to push it out a bit to see if we could get confirmation that that's really what was going on. (My logic being that if it's truly an ectopic, then I can hold out hope that this cycle was just bad luck. In all my other miscarriages, my beta was back down below 5 by time time I stopped bleeding, so it seems strange to me (and the nurse agreed) that my beta would still be that high even after I stopped bleeding.) She made me promise to call if I started having any pain or other symptoms.

We didn't wind up with official confirmation, but I'm about 95% sure that's what it was. On Saturday, I woke up to pain on the lower left side of my pelvic area. It wasn't super sharp, but it wasn't dull either. It was pretty constant, but I didn't want to call RE's office, because I knew they'd tell me to go to the ER. Then when I went to the bathroom that afternoon, there was bright red blood again. Not a lot, but it struck me as strange seeing as how I'd just ended a week's worth of bleeding a few days before.

So I called. And they told me to go to the ER. And I had blood drawn twice, because the doctor decided to order one more test after the nurse had already drawn blood. And the nurses kept marveling that I wasn't a sobbing, hysterical mess. And I was treated to the lovely experience of a bladder catheter. And the ultrasound tech wanted to do the trans vag portion of the ultrasound with the bladder catheter still in place! (A word to the wise - never, ever. Ever. let someone try to do that to you.)

And after 7 hours in the ER, we were told mostly what we already knew - that my numbers were too low to show anything on ultrasound, so they couldn't be certain it was ectopic. But the one new thing we learned was that my hcg level was down in the 120s. So it seems to be moving in the right direction at a pretty significant pace.

The pain went away by Sunday morning, although the bleeding is still continuing, at that same small rate as it was on Saturday. Beta #8, to confirm that the number has gone back down below 5, is scheduled for Friday.

This is the first time I've ever wanted a pregnancy to be over.

6 comments:

kayjay said...

You've been through so much with this cycle and I'm so sorry it has turned out the way that it has. How excruciating and to top it all off - your experience in the ER leaves a lot to be desired. I can't imagine how awful it was to have someone try to do a transvag with the catheter in!! OUCH!!! Sometimes I wonder about the training of these u/s techs.

lastchanceivf said...

I just don't get this crap--why it has to be so damned hard on someone who has already been through so much. To say you deserve better is the understatement of the century. I'm so sorry you're still going through this and I hope this Friday brings the number that means it's over.
I want to say that I'm amazed at your strength (which I am!) but I know it means so little.
Thinking of you.

Sue said...

Its an ugly irony...that a person who had done everything to finally get pregnant has to wish that a pregnancy would end. Its like cruelty. I'm so sorry. I wonder what your RE will say? I wonder what this means? I really thought everything was set up great for this one...but maybe you just are on the bad side of statistics? I don't understand - and that is the worst part. If there was a solid answer, maybe it would be easier to go forward with whatever is next (another cycle, a surrogate, etc...).

I'm so sorry it is going like this. I think your numbers sound EXACTLY like mine when I experienced a similar cycle. I still don't know if it was an ectopic but they are assuming it was. I think my high point was 210 or something but I distinctly remember 188 at almost 6 weeks, how weird.

elliej said...

I'm sorry xxx

Nic said...

I'm with lastchance, understatement of the millenium! What a lot of suckage. I sure hope that the numbers going down again means that this hell is almost over for you.

MrsSpock said...

Oh man, I hope this ends quickly. How totally unfair!