December 01, 2010

Um, About What I Said...

I know I've been whining lately about being tired of infertility treatments, of the tests, the shots, the disappointments. That I don't have much left in me and just want to be at the treatment finish line, one way or another.

Yet somehow, here I sit, filling out the 934th half-inch-thick patient information form I've been asked to complete in the last 8 years. For yet another doctor. About yet another treatment.

Clearly I've lost the last shred of sanity I was precariously clinging to.

I belong to a Y.ah.oo group for infertility immunology issues. I've been seeing something lately about a very new treatment called c-g.s.f. (Google it minus the periods if you're curious.) So I decided what the heck, I'll look into it.

Which is how I wound up with an 11-page form to fill out. Half way in, after asking extensive questions about pregnancy history, testing of any losses, gyn history, etc., there's a section that says "Please describe the nature of your problem."

Well, let's see. Where to begin? I have to pick just one? Off the top of my head (no pun intended) hair is thinning, neither my eyesight nor my memory is what it used to be, I have entirely too many things to do and not enough time in which to do them, my dad is sick, my dog is sick, I work entirely too many hours because I don't want to be the next one to be laid off, when I cook I only have about a 50/50 chance of the recipe coming out right...

Oh wait, that's right, you're a fertility doctor. Probably not the kind of problems you're referring to. Let me try that again.

I DON'T HAVE A KID. And I miscarry. A. LOT.

What do your other patients normally come to you for?? Were the first four pages not a clue? Particularly page 1, which required me to explain each pregnancy and its outcome in great detail??

But I contained the snarkiness. Probably best not to tick off the doctor before even speaking with him. Now I have to dig out the records of our last retrieval and all of our immune testing so that I can write down exactly how many vials of Gan.are.lix I shot myself up with two years ago and what my latest FSH was. (4.something, for all the good it does me...)

In other news...

This doesn't mean we've put a halt to the home study. Pool fence and home study visit are still scheduled for next week. (Hopefully the former before the latter, or else the latter will have to be rescheduled.)

We survived Thanksgiving with relatively little drama, all things considered. BIL, who was making the turkey this year, announced the day before that he wanted to eat much later than we normally do - about 6 p.m. instead of 1 or 2 p.m. - because eating earlier would have required him to get up before 1 p.m. (And no, he doesn't work the night shift - he doesn't have a job at all.) For my mom, eating at 2 p.m. is late, so I knew she wasn't going to like this.

Surprisingly, she seemed pretty gracious about it when we told her. That should have been a clue to me, but I was just so relieved she didn't throw a fit right there on the spot that I didn't get suspicious.

Then on Thanksgiving morning, when R and I came downstairs and started getting things ready in the kitchen, she came in and announced that she had called the neighbors to wish them Happy Thanksgiving and that they invited her to eat with them at 2 p.m., so she was going over there instead of having Thanksgiving at our house, where she lives.

I knew that if the neighbor had extended an invitation, it was only after a lot of obvious hinting and wrangling on my mom's part. The neighbor is lovely and sweet, but she was hosting Thanksgiving for 16 people, including her in-laws and a vegan, who she was fretting about what to serve. She was completely stressed out about it, so I knew she wouldn't have just jumped at the chance to add one more person to the chaos.

Still, I just smiled sweetly and told my mom to have a good time and tell the neighbors we said Happy Thanksgiving, and turned back to what I was doing. R's eyes had kind of bugged out at the announcement, but he didn't say a word.

At 1:30 p.m., she changed her clothes. At 2 p.m., she was still sitting in her chair in her living room. At 2:30 I offered her a drink I was making, and surprise, surprise, when we ate, guess who was sitting at the table with us??

Score one for refusing to let her get under my skin. I don't play head games. Maybe at some point she'll learn to accept that.


Sue said...

OMG I am so impressed with how you handled your mom! She sounds EXACTLY like mine (did we already discuss the narcissism?), so I have to give you TONS Of points for not letting her get under your skin. How funny that she was sitting at your house when the time to go to the neighbor's house came and went. LMAO, seriously.

I am glad to hear all the homestudy stuff is still on and that you have found a new treatment option. When I have a second, I'll google it (b/c I'm curious like that and also b/c I have a friend who is on IVF #10 this one with DE (her second) and I like to do as much research as possible for her). Good luck. Hang in there.

Libby said...

Hahahhhahahaha! Your mom is funny. Sounds like something my grandma would do :)

Oh dear, now I want to read more about cgsf as we are probably as equally insane. It looks to be interesting, and could it save you from doing LIT then?

I hear ya on explaining the nature of your problem. I had to see a pain management doc this week, and he wanted me to fill him in on the last year. I just thought, "really? do you really want me to?" But I was just there to get my steroid fix (haha), so I let it go.

Good luck with your home study. I'd love to hear what kinds of things they check while in your home.

Silver said...

I'm seriously impressed at your stick-with-it-ness! For me, the continuing treatments and the quest for any new things available was as much about being able to say "I did my best" but the fact is, some of these things actually work (despite the scepticism of the NHS in this country). A good friend is now well through pregnancy after 5 previous losses, having done LIT and IVIG for the first time. For me it was donor eggs, for another friend it was aspirin and heparin in the right doses. I tried the immune stuff and it didn't work and I can tell you now that if I was going for more treatment I'd be looking at C-GSF. Will be crossing everything for the homestudy. I think you're doing amazingly well - especially considering the stresses in other parts of your life.

lastchanceivf said...

Great job with your Mom as the other ladies have said. I probably wouldn't have been able to do that...
And so sorry about having to retell your story, over and over again. Sheesh. You have a lot of tenacity lady and I am so hoping it will pay off, the sooner the better, right?

linda said...


I'm on the immune board too...yes, G_C_S_F sounds like interesting stuff. I am meeting Dr. B on the 30th to see if it can help my embryos stick in my next cycle.