November 04, 2011

Almost Half Way to Goal

At 19 weeks, you'd think I could walk into an ultrasound room feeling a little more confident that we'll see a heartbeat on the screen. Yet there's still a twinge of anxiety and nervousness every time.

I wasn't planning to ask the peri about what she's thinking in terms of the timing of delivery; it feels way too soon to even be thinking about it. But when she commented that I was almost half way there, I told her I was hoping that today was half way, that she wouldn't make me go any farther than 38 weeks.

She said studies have shown that 39 weeks has the most optimal outcome rates, so her goal is for me to go to 39, but she won't make me go any farther than that. But she said she'd also be happy with term (at least 37 weeks) if that's the way it turns out, and okay with late pre-term (35-36 weeks), but that if there were signs that the best thing would be for the baby to come out earlier, that's what we'll do.

I told a few more people this week.

I hadn't shared the news with my VP yet, but I had decided I would tell him if the big scan went well, because he and my boss are starting to plan 2012 and they need to factor in my absence. He was very supportive and also understood why I'm still not ready to let the rest of the team know for another several weeks.

Last night, I got together with a group of friends. All of us used to work together, and one of us was visiting from out of town for the first time in several years, so we went out to dinner together. I almost chickened out - I still look pudgy rather than pregnant so I could've gotten away with hiding it - but I took a deep breath and shared the news. They know what we've been through so they were very excited. But I still can't talk about it like a normal pregnant person.

Five weeks to the edge of viability...


Reese said...

My marker for telling people is twenty weeks. My family was a bit irritated by this and it was pretty awkward when I'd show up at people's houses wearing my guy's biggest baggiest sweatshirt. Good job! It's hard to tell people when you know you can't give them the reaction they want and talk excitedly about the baby. I always felt like a failure when I couldn't act ecstatic about the pregnancy. People kind of seem to expect it and they aren't all sensitive to your situation. I am so glad you are halfway-ish. You are doing so well! I really want to know if you have a guess on what the gender is?

Silver said...

I totally know what you mean about telling and talking (see my post Be prepared for that feeling to last - and don't be surprised if you get a gnawing feeling of doom as you get closer to due date - I felt sure it was a premonition of something awful and was talking to a friend last week who was pregnant after long years of trying (and a molar preg) who was feeling the same (she had a healthy wee boy two days ago!). I've heard others with similar histories to yours and mine say the same thing - it seems to go with the territory apparently, but I wish I'd known that! Any more feelings of movement?

Kate said...

I didn't feel confident until the baby was here, and even then I worried about SIDS. It seems the worries never end.
I waited till 16 weeks to tell my boss, but was planning to keep the news from the rest of the group longer than that. Unfortunately 2 days after I broke the news to him, I started having contractions and ended up telling the whole group what was going on (including the 4.5 years trying, 2 losses, and IVF x2 to get that far) so that they'd understand why I was cutting back to part time and then took 6 weeks off work entirely. I went back at 28 weeks when my peri told me outcomes were pretty good in general if you deliver then, and I also knew that I'd suffered through 12 weeks of contractions with my cervix not really changing at all.
Viability at 24 weeks was a huge milestone for me, but even then I couldn't feel normal about the pregnancy. I felt a lot better at 28 weeks. But still I worried about incompetent cervix and preterm labour, and then they were watching her for IUGR because her growth was falling off a bit.
Wouldn't you know it, I was induced at 10 days past my due date. I could start buying any baby items till after the 28 week mark.
For now, all you can really do is rejoice in every good ultrasound and as the kicks get stronger, feel reassured by the regular movements you feel. Even when I was feeling her regularly, I'd still panic if I didn't feel her move for a couple of hours, and would poke her in the bum or foot to try to get a reaction out of her.
Hopefully your confidence will grow with every passing week. The chances are so much in your favour at this point, though I know you won't feel you can count your blessings till you're holding a healthy baby in your arms. Hang in there!

Mo and Will said...

so so so glad to see your good news! You're getting so far along!!!

barfingrainbowsandunicorns said...

Yay 19 weeks!

I had the exact same experience as Kate. Exact same! (I didn't even buy diapers until he was born.) And once I stopped worrying about SIDS I found something else to worry about. But viability (and every week therafter) was so nice and made things much easier.

Emily Erin said...

Glad that things are moving along, and I too, had the same series of worries (including SIDS!)... But as I got closer to viability, I could smile and be hopeful more frequently and so I didn't have to be 'out' at my own shower as by then I was truly excited and hopeful with just a small side of fear (but I also didn't let them have the shower until a month before due date!). I hope that you have the same experience of getting less nervous as time goes by.

Lewis said...

I'm 18 weeks (farthest we have ever gotten) and I look so obviously pregnant there is noway to hide it! My husband says he is going to be worried until the baby is born but I am finally settling into it. I figure once the child is born I will have a whole host of new things to worry about SIDS, flu, accidents, cars, kidnappers.... so I might as well try and relax before the storm!