January 25, 2014

Optimistic, Optimistic, and Just Plain Nervous

This post was going to be titled "Optimistic, Optimistic, and Nervously Optimistic." Apparently, the universe found that a bit too cocky.

We had another ultrasound and appointment yesterday. It went perfectly. And now, today, there is cramping and spotting. Mostly brown spotting, with maybe just a tiny bit of pink, but still. Spotting. And cramping with it. Sigh.

Yesterday was 11w6d. Kiddo's heartbeat was 160, and s/he measured exactly on track at 11w6d. We could see feet and hands at the ends of the legs and arms, could even mostly make out the individual fingers. The bones of the face were all very clear.

The nuchal fold measurements were all good, and the nasal bone was clearly present, making the chance of Down Syndrome pretty low, although since we had done CGH, we weren't particularly concerned about that anyway.

The ultrasound tech searched and searched, but she could not find a sign of the hematoma anywhere. Yea for that! She also announced that my placenta is mostly anterior, although it is not completely covering the right side, so she said to pay attention to the right side to feel movements when I get further along. (Apparently an anterior placenta makes it more difficult to feel movements.)

After the scan, we met with the peri. She said that with everything measuring right on track, looking good, and no sign of the hematoma, the risk of a loss at this point is low, and she is optimistic about this pregnancy. R is optimistic, too - he even wants to find out the gender as soon as we can this time around.

Realistically, I know I'm never going to be able to fully commit to boarding the "optimistic train" the way that they are, but I told R after our appointment that I am "nervously optimistic". For me, given our hisstory, I think that allowing myself to classify my outlook as "optimistic" this early on in the process, even if it is qualified with "nervously" in front of it, is still a huge leap ahead of where I was with Miss A's pregnancy.

Then this morning, Miss A and I had a playdate with a friend and her young son at an indoor jungle gym place. It's the first time we've been. I was on my feet a bit more than usual, keeping an eye on Miss A, since she was one of the littlest ones there. Toward the end of our visit, she wanted to go on some of the slides in the bigger kids area, so I had to slide with her. We were fine sliding multiple times on one of the open slides, but then I decided she might enjoy going down an enclosed slide. The only thing was, I had to hunch over a little, and as we went down, I felt a few stabbing pains.

I took it easy after that, and my friend took Miss A on the slides a few times so that I could sit down. We came home soon after, and everything seemed fine, so I didn't think anything more of it.

But then I went to the restroom and there was a tiny bit of brown spotting. And then the cramping started. It is mild and intermittent, but still, it is cramping, and you all know how I feel about that. And the amount of spotting seems to be increasing a little bit.

So now I am laying in bed, feeling every little twinge, and trying not to get up every 2 minutes to see if the spotting is increasing or turning to bright red.

I feel like there is no point in calling the peri, because all they are going to be able to tell me to do is what I am already doing - stay off my feet as much as possible and drink plenty of fluids. In the absence of bright red bleeding, I don't think there's any point in going to the ER, especially since we just had a scan yesterday.

So here we are, 12 weeks, and I'm back to just plain "nervous". It's going to be a very long 26-27 weeks if things continue like this...


Libby said...

I'm so sorry that you aren't having a worry free pregnancy. I also was just told I have an anterior placenta which was actually a relief because I had stopped feeling movement and feared the worst. It still sucks though, doesn't it? We never really get into the worry free zone, do we?!!!

I also hope your spotting just stops all together. You deserve a break, that's for sure. Good to hear how you are doing though, and I hope you can relax and start feeling a lot less nervous very soon!

Silver said...

You just can't seem to catch a break! Hoping that the spotting is the hematoma's last hurrah before it stops making your life difficult. I had a funny cramping/spotting episode at around 20 weeks (I think, memory is hazy on this) and went in to maternity triage to get checked. They were lovely and checked me over thoroughly and gave me the all clear and said that sometimes these things just "happened". Luckily, it never happened again. On the other hand, I have two friends who cramped and spotted (and more than spotted) throughout their pregnancies (one of them through two pregnancies) and produced healthy babies. It's just so scary when you don't know what's causing it - and when you have past history! Rest is good and don't hesitate to go back for reassurance. The one advantage I found to having a history of multiple losses was that NOONE ever questioned why I was worried or made me feel like I was making a fuss. Crossing everything for you, as always!

AP said...

Ditto Libby and Silver- hoping it's just one of those odd pregnancy things and that rest & water do the job. Glad to hear things looked good on Friday- sending positive, optimistic energy your way! Hope your worries ease soon mama!

Reese said...

Hooray for 12 weeks! Hope is scary as hell, isn't it? And the doppler is such a dangerous game at this stage. It can provide so much reassurance and so much anxiety as well. Hang in there--one trimester down, lady!