September 29, 2011

I'm Making Progess, But Not *That* Much Progress

Unrelated to the topic of this particular post, I've noticed people writing on other blogs that they're also having the same problem commenting on blogs that I am experiencing. Today I was able to post comments on two Blogger blogs, so I thought everything was resolved, but then the next ones that I tried to comment on, no such luck. So if I haven't commented on your blog lately, please know that's why.

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On to the post...

An envelope arrived in the mail the other day. It was bright pink, and addressed to me in handwriting I didn't recognize, from an address I didn't recognize. I had no clue what was inside.

It's the baby shower invitation for one of my former co-workers, who also struggled with infertility but didn't pursue any treatments and had resigned herself to living childfree. She confided her pregnancy to me this summer, right before we left town to do our transfer.

I honestly can't remember the last time I received a baby shower invite. Some of our friends are single, some are older and finished the child-bearing phase of their lives a while back. Of those who have had kids in recent years, I think a lot of them just decided it was best not to send an invitation, especially our IF friends.

Opening the envelope and seeing that pink and brown bottle wasn't nearly as difficult as it would have been if I was not also pregnant.

I still don't think I'm going to go, though.

If I do, I will cry. I don't think I will be able to hold it together. I will stand there and look at all of that baby stuff and see the cute baby cake and (heaven forbid) have to play the guess-the-flavor-of-this-baby-food game, and the whole time I will be thinking "Will I really get to have this kind of a day someday soon, or is this going to end in disaster and heartbreak, too?" Like I said, tears. And that would be bad form for a party guest.

So I will have another co-worker help me shop - I still need moral support and hand-holding to walk into a store like that - and then I will make a plan to meet up with her and give her the gift before the shower.
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In other pregnancy-related news, it seems morning sickness is kicking into gear more in the second trimester than the first. For the most part, it's been more low-grade. Then again, I'm wearing the acupuncture wrist bands I had R buy last month pretty much constantly, so I don't notice it too much unless I take them off for an extended period of time.

Last week, I did have my first-ever experience with tossing my cookies during pregnancy, but I'm not sure it was morning sickness so much as it was that I had gone too long without eating. It's been years since I've gotten sick in that way, and the next day, my upper abdominal muscles were sore from all the heaving involved, which just goes to show how truly out of shape I am.

And speaking of shape, I'm beginning to notice changes in mine. I think my tilted uterus may finally be all the way in the correct position, because things seem to be pushing up a bit - I now have a natural muffin top even when I'm not wearing anything. I've only gained a 3 or 4 pounds so far, so I don't think that's what's causing it.

But whatever the reason is, I'm fine with it. Excited about it, actually, because it means maybe things are still on track.


Libby said...

I received a baby shower invitation this week too - for a 26 y.o. cousin's step daughter who I rarely see, who posts about her pregnancy woes on FB, whose mother knows my situation but still sent me an invite. Blech. I did attend a shower this Summer for someone I have been friends with since the 5th grade. Not even considering this recent invitation though. We've had enough trauma!

Yay for nausea and a correctly positioned uterus :)

MyTwoLines said...

Congrats on the muffin top :)

Sorry about the baby shower invite. I went to a LOT of baby showers (hosted six) while we were TTC. They can be brutal for sure.

Silver said...

I am eternally grateful that baby showers are not at all common over here in the UK. The Christening/baptism invitations were quite bad enough! I remember the first time I went to a baby shop to get stuff for my own newborn - totally surreal, as I'd avoided such shops for years - couldn't even walk down the baby aisle in the supermarket. It sounds like your first step might be maternity clothes - I can highly recommend mail order - that way you can pretend their just a slightly bigger size of normal clothes and not have shop assistants cooing over you asking when you're due and what you're having - cos with a history like yours and mine, they might not get an answer they like ;-).

barfingrainbowsandunicorns said...

Baby showers and pregnancy announcements still make me a little sick to my stomach. I totally understand.

Yay for the muffin top! That's great news. :)

endoandbeyond said...

I feel your pain!!