July 31, 2011

Beta #5 Coming Up

I'm trying to stay hopeful, but for no reason in particular, I haven't been feeling very optimistic today.

Actually, that's not true. I think the reasons I'm feeling discouraged are because I've spent entirely too much time with Dr. Google today. Pretty much everything I found when I searched for "pink* gray* tissue miscarriage" pointed to being fetal tissue, so I'm pretty sure we lost at least one. And my cervix feels a lot wider and softer whenever I put the suppositories in, which also does not seem to be a good sign.

Also, the achiness is still coming and going, I don't have any morning sickness, and I'm not feeling any of the other stretchy, weird, one-side-or-the-other kinds of feelings I was feeling up until a few days ago, which I assume were implantation and/or my uterus stretching.

On top of all that, I also saw plenty of stories where women saw heartbeats at 8, 9, 10 weeks or made it to 15 or 20 or 25 or 35 weeks and still went on to lose their baby/babies for one reason or another. And that's already happened to us once. So that just underscored the reality that even if everything looks good during the first ultrasound, every day of this is still a new, uncertain day.

On the bright side, I'm only spotting now, and it's mostly brown or very light pink.

I had called and left a message with the reproductive immunologist's office yesterday to see if I should stop the aspirin/Lovenox. A nurse called me back today and said to stay on those since the spotting is brown at this point, but stop them if it turns red again.

She also said they want another beta, even though RE's office said they'd rather not. So I have another stat order for an HCG and progesterone tomorrow. We'll see what happens.

And Sue, weren't you the one who told me to back away from the HPTs? :-) But to answer your question, I stopped on the way home from Friday's beta and bought another box of 2. The one I took when I got home looked very similar to the one before that - the test line was much darker and wider than the control line.

I have one more left, but I figure my levels would have to be down somewhere near 300 before I'd be able to tell the difference, and even if my levels are dropping, they probably haven't dropped that fast. So I'll try to hold off on the last one, at least for now.

I have to go get a RhoGham shot tomorrow morning. My best bet is to go to the ob/gyn I've seen in the past, but I had decided to switch to a different doctor this time around - a perinatologist one of my friends recommended. My first appointment isn't scheduled until 8/11, but I think I'm going to call them in the morning to explain the situation and see if they'll help me out. I'd just really rather not go back to the other doctor's office if I can avoid it.

And even though I'd really prefer to do the ultrasound as close to the end of next week as possible so that we have the weekend to cope if it's not good news, I think I'm going to see if I can get it moved up to 8/8, assuming that it appears we still have a reason to go to the appointment at that point.

5 comments:

Nic said...

I hold my breath every time I see a post coming through from you!

i was wondering myself if you might have lost a twin based on what you describe.

Hoping again for the rollercoaster to keep moving forward.

xo

bibc said...

i just want you to know that im holding hope for you and your husband. wishing you all the luck.
xoxo
lis

Anonymous said...

Sending good vibes.

Sue said...

I know...I can't stay away from the HPTs, as much as it makes sense to! It is just reassuring to see that second line, regardless of how high your HCG should be. I don't know how the HPT companies will stay in business now that I am not testing.

And, yes, after all you've been through, each step is another hurdle cleared, not a green light...with lots more hurdles to come, but each one gets you lighter, happier and more successful! I am glad you are getting another beta...this one DOES NOT have to double, you know that...right? I had a friend who got a few extra betas and then bawled her eyes out that they didn't double...but as your numbers get bigger, they just don't have to double anymore. And, Dr. Google is a nightmare sometimes. There are just so many horror stories...but there are some great stories out there too, don't forget that. I am praying for a great beta for you today...and am hoping this is all just a mean scare. And, once you see that HB, you will have to relax just a little...they are CGH normal, which puts you way ahead once a heartbeat is seen (its not magic, but its a lot better!)>

MyTwoLines said...

I am so anxious for you! Keep us posted--I know you will. We are all hoping beyond hope for you!!