August 10, 2011

I Don't Have a Good Feeling About This

Everything has been very uneventful. No spotting since Sunday, nausea that started Sunday night and lasted (in a mild state) through Tuesday morning, which I was thrilled about.

I'd started to let myself relax a bit again. Even went crazy and discussed whether we would find out the gender if we got to that point, had a discussion with a friend who is due with twins next week about vaginal birth vs. c-section as if I will face that choice someday soon.

And then, there it is again. I was feeling a little bit of cramping, but nothing major. I just figured it was a good sign that things are happening in there. I didn't even take a deep breath before peeking at the tp - I just assumed it would be pink-free.

It was not.

I put in a suppository at 5 p.m. There was not a speck of blood on the tp or the inserter. At 8:45, there was pink bleeding. So of course I had to check, and it looks like bright red is on the way again.

The ultrasound is at 2:30 p.m. PT tomorrow. We'll see what happens through the night and in the morning.

This time, I can't think of any good explanation for it. The first time, I chalked it up to low progesterone. The second time, I chalked it up to being out and about for bloodwork and the Rhogham injection. The third time, I chalked it up to restarting the Lovenox.

But this time, my progesterone level is great, I haven't been out and about since Saturday, and I haven't restarted the Lovenox. And there wasn't any sign of an SCH during the ultrasound. And the nausea eased up yesterday and did not return at all today. I realize it can come and go, but right now I'd much rather be having it than not.

So I don't have any good explanation. Just a nervous, uneasy feeling.


Sue said...

I was just thinking, "if I don't see a post from her, I'm gonna leave a comment for an update!" and then I get this. Ugh. I still think everything may be just fine in there...its just awful that it has to go this way! Why can't it be uneventful and easy after all you've been through? I have everything crossed and will say a prayer that your baby is still hanging in there. This afternoon's ultrasound is going to be stressful...I still remember how that feels and I hate it.

Libby said...

I hate all the uncertainty that IF brings, but I'm still holding out hope for your little one. I know it's hard, but try to hang in there! I'll be thinking of ya!

MyTwoLines said...

I'm so sorry for MORE uncertainty. You deserve some type of mental health award for surviving these constant ups and downs. Good luck at the u/s today!! We'll all be thinking about you.

Anna said...

It's a roller coaster, and it never stops. You just learn to live with it better. I am praying that this works out for the best for you. Every pregnancy is different. Every one. My first pregnancy I had cramps for a while, and kept wearing a liner, expecting my period any day. My face broke out like I was 16. I never had nausea or bleeding. My second pregnancy I felt nothing in the beginning. No cramps, no nausea, no bleeding... If not for the US, I never would have known I was pregnant: I never felt it! How I lived for the US appointments! For something that is supposed to be so natural, it's so strange! I do so hope all goes well. I'm living for your updates now, please post when you can. We're wishing you all the very best!! :)

Nic said...

I know quite a few people who have had unexplained bleeding throughout their first tri. IT SUCKS. but for a lot of them it has not meant the end is nigh. Just that you can't relax for a long time. Hopefully you will get some more reassurance tomorrow. xox

Silver said...

Yup - what everyone else said! All I can offer as any kind of comfort is that sometimes pregnancies actually end in a baby - even for people like you and me who have had many pregnancies along the way. It CAN happen. I had reached the point where I saw no reason at all to think positively. Of course there are no guarantees, but maybe . . . And I'll be interested to hear what they say about the Lovenox. I'm presuming you're on low dose aspirin, or will be?

Kate said...

Hope today went well. The rollercoaster just never ends, does it?