May 06, 2010

Positively Hopeless or Hopelessly Positive?

It is the beginning of May, and R and I are sitting in the middle of a winter wonderland.

I think I mentioned previously that we were going to spend the latter part of our Denver trip in a condo in ski country. We got here early this evening. The condo is comfortable and cozy, with a fireplace and picture windows that look out onto the ski slopes and a forest of pine trees that are dusted in snow. Tiny snowflakes are drifting ever-so-gently to the ground.

This is just what I need to try to maintain some semblance of sanity until next week’s beta.

I spent the first 24 hours convinced the cycle didn’t work because I haven’t seen any implantation spotting. However, I did start to feel a little bit of minor pinchy type of pains yesterday, so then I began to think that maybe implantation is starting to happen after all. So far, the pains have continued off and on. More off than on, and I wish they were sharper like the implantation pains I’ve had with past pregnancies, but still, I’ll take ’em.

Then, this morning, I woke up feeling nauseous, almost to the point of throwing up, and it lasted for a few hours. I know it sounds ridiculously early to be morning sickness, but then I spent the morning Googling to see if anyone else has ever had morning sickness that early, and some women swear that they have. And I’m not one to have a lot of nausea in general unless it’s morning sickness or food poisoning.

I have had morning sickness pretty early in some of my past pregnancies (sometimes between 7 and 14 dpo), so I’m hoping it’s not totally out of the question. And it’s following the pattern of the other rounds of morning sickness I’ve had – it strikes in the morning, then goes away after a few hours. We’ll see what happens tomorrow morning.

R has been on my case because I tend to be very cautious in how I speak about this attempt – I say things like “Assuming we get to the second trimester…” or “We’ll see what next week’s beta shows”, and he thinks I should speak more confidently.

So then this morning after the nausea, I got all excited and told him, “Hopefully this is a good sign!” To which he responded, “I said ‘Be positive’, not ‘Have hope’!”

I’m not exactly sure how one is supposed to be positive without hope. Apparently, neither is he, because he couldn’t give me a good answer to that...


lastchanceivf said...

Mmmmmmmm, that's a tough one. I like your post title and of course I'm going to default to hopelessly positive! I think your symptoms are quite reassuring, and the snow and mountains sound positively peaceful!

Sue said...

I know how you feel! I had implantation spotting with my first pregnancy at CCRM... a lot of implantation spotting. But, I had NONE with this pregnancy. I still remember going to the walmart near CCRM on the 3rd day after transfer before we hit the road and thinking, "this totally didn't work" and feeling devastated. Then I took a pregnancy test on 4dp5dt and it was a light positive. So, I agree...have hope!!! But, I get not getting too happy just yet. You've just been throgh so much. Try to enjoy the beautiful surroundings!!!

Nico said...

I'm giggling at R's comment. What a man! ;-)

Sue said...

Hey - just got your comment! No...I had NO SYMPTOMS at all! We were driving home from Colorado to New York and I was miserable! Totally convinced it didn't work and trying to discuss the possibility of donor eggs with my husband! I can't believe I tested on 4dpt either (bad idea) but I was so sure there was nothing...and then we got home on 4dpt and I felt just a tiny bit weird...and wanted to test (telling myself the entire time that I was crazy and it would be negative). Luckily, it was a super faint positive. I would never recommend was stupid and I just got lucky, lol. I think you are going to get great news soon!!! Don't stress the lack of symptoms - I'd always had symptoms before with my other pregnancies (taht didn't last) but had none at all this time. Also - Jill M tested early but didn't get a positive until very late with her very successful CGH transfer too! So, hang in there. I can't wait to read good news soon.

Silver said...

Oh I SO know where you're at! It is incredibly hard to to feel hopeful or positive or any other happy emotion after all the disappointments. Your symptoms so sounds promising though - so maybe I'll hope for you and you can hope for me?

MrsSpock said...

Even though we are trying for #2,my ability to hope is directly correlated to reproducing the exact circumstances of being able to conceive J- even though I know the only circumstance that actually matters was my finally ovulating.

I'm hoping for you, at least!