Slowly Going Crazy

We're at the half way point of the 2ww. So far, it's gone like this:

First 24 hours after transfer (Tues. night to Wed. afternoon) - Doubting it worked because there wasn't any implantation spotting in the first 24 hours like there was in my other two FETs that ended with BFPs.

Later Wednesday afternoon - Started to feel some very slight pinching sensations, hope started to rise a little bit.

Thursday morning - Nauseous, hope in full bloom.

Thursday afternoon/night - Nausea went away (to be expected, even if it was m/s it's usually only a few hours per day for me), but no more pinching sensations or other symptoms. Also don't seem to be particularly bloated. Hope fades.

Friday - No symptoms at all (other than the sore boobs I've had since starting the estrogen, so those don't count because that symptom existed pre-transfer). Really feeling like it didn't work.

Friday night - Totally nauseous again, but not sure if it was just that dinner didn't agree with me (though it seemed fine when I was eating) or if it was something more.

Saturday morning - Still very nauseous, probably just an issue with dinner, but a little hope still crept in.

Saturday late morning to early evening - More pinching feelings that are a little stronger, as well as some slight tugging feelings. Hope blooms anew. And then I think I've detected a bit of bloating. Yea!

This morning - Got a Mother's Day eCard from someone who knows I don't have kids and knows that we've struggled to have them - WTF?? (She doesn't know we're currently cycling.) Oh well, it's not someone I see regularly, so I'm just going to delete it from my inbox and ignore it. I'd probably be a lot more upset if I wasn't in a hopeful place. Had more pinching feelings during the night, and bloating still seems to be there. Yea again!

And speaking of hopeful places, I'm debating when to POAS. I'd be tempted to do it tomorrow morning (6dp5dt), but I have a meeting first thing in the morning and it includes some people I don't normally work with, so I don't want to go into that meeting in tears if there isn't a second line. Ditto for Tuesday, because I have an even earlier meeting (7 a.m.) that day.

So I may be forced by circumstances to wait until the day before beta to test. I always test - I'm one of those people who doesn't want to have the news broken to me by a nurse. I think part of it's a control thing; there's so little in this process we get to control that darn it, I'm not going to let someone else control when I get to find out if it worked or not. Plus, it just seems like such a personal thing to hear from someone who doesn't know me that well. And, when I've gotten bad news test results in the past, I generally tear up and can barely whisper, much less talk, and then it's just awkward and uncomfortable all the way around.

So there. Those are my excuses for POAS, and I'm sticking to them (no pun intended, really). :-)